Did you ever see a dog standing at the edge of the bay, barking seriously at each wavelet the broke and slurped up the sand? Not all dogs do this, but some do and it's a bit peculiar.
How easily we slip through our own fingers in this life. Over and over and over again we bark -- come up with new and improved explanations and meanings and understandings -- "I know that!" -- that might still the waves and provide a smooth peace in a life edged with uncertainty and choppy hope.
Intellectually, we "understand" and we "know" that barking at the waves -- that continuing with the same old habits -- just doesn't work very well and yet, in the last instant before we surrender to what we "know" so well, we try just one last bark, one last understanding, one last wish that we could control and be the master of the seas that surround us.
None of the other barks has worked,
but, who knows ... maybe this one last bark, the one last explanation, this one last understanding will bring life to heel and I won't have to surrender anything. Maybe this time I can come up a winner... cool as a cucumber and exciting the applause of others.And one last bark turns into another last bark, and then of course there's just one more, just one more, just one more ... and our lives slip through our fingers as we try to keep life from slipping through our fingers.
Such a habit: "I know" and "I understand." "The meaning is...." Woof! Woof! Woof! Sometimes it is quite desperate and touching -- where IS peace and ease that whispers and insists? I've worked so hard! Don't I get some reward, some understanding, some relief?
Sometimes life just slips through our fingers while we were busy woof-ing.
.
worked like a charm.
ReplyDeletei dropped a huge handful of things i was clinging on to onto the floor.
that dog image..
ricebowl
I get it.
ReplyDeleteSorry I know and I understand that I know and understand too much.
Rubbish.
But for one last time I'll tell you what happened. My mind has a driving instructor whom I went for extended driving lessons with. I forgot completely about him! Most people took 6 months to clear their driving lessons, but I took more than a year under his guidance, and I perpetually felt bad because he admonished me for studying the theory part of driving too much, and not driving enough.
Out of a sudden this guilt surged up in me as I read this post.
It was this very bondage to this teacher, one hell of an old man with a bad temper, yet no doubt a respected teacher by all, that caused me so much stress that I malfunctioned in my driving lessons. Yet I suspect that it was this very stress, this suffering, for continual periods of time, that I accumulated all that faith which helped me got my driving license on the first try (WHEN THE EXAMINER WAS ANOTHER GUY) while others took their exams umpteen times but kept failing.
Ok, I'll keep my mouth shut. In fact I'll start a blog elsewhere. But I just wanted to let you know that YOU WORKED. And I'll still be reverant.
:)
Dont need to say farewell, who knows I'll be back again under another pseudo-nick.
_/|\_
ricebowl