and then I....

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Watching a television biography of movie director Woody Allen last night, I found myself torn between loving to hear other people's stories and being irritated with what I perceived as his intelligent and witty way of steering clear of his own serious questions ... what he truly loved...what he loved without relying on any art whatsoever... what he wanted without guile.

And that thought train led me to turn the program off and to think further...

How much more is anyone's life than a reprise of the kid in the third grade who comes home and tells his mother about his day in school...

"And then I..."

"And then I..."

"And then I..."

"And then I..."

Weaving, weaving, weaving ... bolstering, bolstering, bolstering ...

This is what I was taught to do and I took to it like a duck to water. "And then I..."

It's not as if this is naughty or bad. The usual excuse is, "Everyone does it." And this is true, I think I would argue.

But what crossed my mind is that after enough of this same old diet, it is conceivable -- or do I mean inescapable? -- that "I" become boring or less convincing. If you thought TV reruns were bad, this really takes the cake ... and the boredom and lack of a once-dear conviction whispers louder and louder: "Is that all there is? Isn't there something interesting out there?"

And of course there is. On the one hand there is no escape from "and then I..." On the other, the willingness to believe in your own public-relations blitz grows curiously stale. Isn't it enough that circumstances rise up and fall away? Isn't that delightful? Why mess up a perfectly good story line with some fabulous addition. Been there done that. Been "and then I...", done that. Circumstances are what circumstances are ... why fuck up a perfectly good wet dream?

And it is the curiosity that blazes the trail and deserves attention.

Whose attention? Why 'my' attention, of course. Follow the trail, follow the curiosity. See what happens.

"And then I..." ..... oh really?

And then and then and then and now and now and now and....

Chocolate is outta-sight. Anchovies are to puke for.

And then and then and now and now and...

"And" what?

"I" becomes less interesting. "And" becomes less credible. "Then" becomes slightly odd.

"And then I..."
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