a deft courteousness

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Many have grown up having had it drummed in: "Please" and "thank you" are courteous, which is to say, they oil the social wheels and make the rug burns of life a little less painful.

And yet how easy it is to take a humane thing and put it to inhumane uses.

Think, for example, of the deft courteousness of the rich and powerful. They may have the skills, but the uses to which they put them are protective and self-serving and make others wish for the honesty of the man or woman who was never brought up saying "thank you" or "please."

Or think of the enforced kindnesses of those claiming some interest in spiritual life: Butter wouldn't melt in their mouths and yet every move is a matter of contrived ethics. Kindness is a wonderful attribute ... except when it segues into a lock-step insistence.

And which is which -- which is the real McCoy and which is the self-important, camouflaged faker?

I guess the best anyone can do is to keep an eye on the bathroom mirror.
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