a life of sacrifice

There was a time when I would get up in the early hours of the day and walk perhaps a mile to the Zen center I then attended in New York. The city was not yet bustling at 4-4:30, but the bars were letting out and I would pass by occasional small gaggles of people still celebrating the night before ... guys and gals laughing and puking and making out and occasionally fighting.

None of this was particularly noteworthy (I had done precisely the same in other times), but every now and then the contrast between what I was doing and what these people were doing would strike me as strange: Now and then the gremlin of virtue would appear on my shoulder, whispering about a 'life of sacrifice' ... there I was off to practice zazen or seated meditation (wise and serious and good) and there they were doing something that was less virtuous, noble, determined or whatever.

In the world of spiritual endeavor, it is often pointed out that there is a need for some determination, some willingness to sacrifice one thing for another. For example, perhaps, "I think I will do some meditation and pass up the opportunity to watch a favorite TV sitcom" or "I can't go on a date -- there is an intensive retreat to attend."

And this determination, this change in lifestyle, can be called "ascetic" in some small way ... which leads to thoughts of the great ascetics of whatever discipline someone might choose ... the ones who sacrificed much in pursuit of a bicycle championship or an unalloyed enlightenment.

Wow! A life of sacrifice! Sure wish I were that dedicated, that focused, that good, that holy ... sure wish I could get my hands on the gold-medal that those who sacrificed so much seem to have attained!

A life of sacrifice ... parents sacrifice for their children; soldiers sacrifice their lives; and Gautama was said to have abstained from food for so long (in pursuit of understanding) that his backbone was visible on his stomach flesh.

Well, I think that it's worth considering the world of sacrifice ... just think it through a little.
Generally, "sacrifice" is attributed to someone else. Less frequently, it is applied to the self. But whomever it is applied to, there are at least three things that fill out the scenario: The being making the sacrifice, the item or situation being sacrificed, and the one observing the sacrifice.

Does anyone stop to ask the person making the alleged sacrifice whether s/he considered it a sacrifice at the time the sacrifice was made? Parents know, post-facto, that they might have liked to do something else, but in the moment, changing diapers is what they had to do. A bicyclist practices and only later thinks of the hours s/he devoted to the task. And a spiritual discipline may look good to others -- or even to oneself -- but how is it possible to 'sacrifice' in the present moment?

Buddhism observes that there is "no abiding self." Depending on the point of view, this may be satisfying or upsetting. But I don't think anyone has to be a "Buddhist" to find usefulness in the observation. Setting aside intellect and emotion, "no abiding self" is just a fact of life -- like dandelions or sunshine. Everyone does what they do when they do it ... and then they do something else. In the moment, there is no escape. No escape and hence no sacrifice.

If there is no abiding being, the idea of sacrifice falls flat on its face.

Look at the soldiers who have received the Medal of Honor (America's highest military award). Read their remarks. No one believes them, but read them anyway: Not one of them is willing to concede they sacrificed or did anything out of the ordinary. (Attempting to find a link for a list of these remarks is too daunting ... I did try and have seen such a site in the past, but all I come up with is the remarks of others ... which shows how little attention anyone pays to those remarks themselves.) These are the people who were there, at the moment of what others call sacrifice. They know what others merely talk about. They are absolutely the best sources available ... and no one listens to what they say: There was no sacrifice, no trading one thing for another, no quid pro quo ... there was action ... the same action anyone might perform ... like changing diapers.

"No abiding self" is pretty kool as a philosophical fortune cookie statement. But there is something to be said for investigating whether what is kool also happens to be true.

Maybe it's worth some sacrifice to find out and actualize the inescapability of dandelions.