it's just what you say

The central revolutionary aspect of spiritual life is this:

It's not what God says...
It's not what the teacher says...
It's not what the texts say...
It's not what your friends say...
It is simply what you say.

This sounds pretty simplistic and simple ...

Until you try it.

When you try it, of course, you recognize immediately that what you say varies from week to week, day to day and moment to moment. This recognition stands in infuriating contrast to the implicit or explicit desire to nail down an overarching peace, to lay claim to an understanding that doesn't fidget or wobble or morph in the same way any person fidgets or wobbles or morphs.

"Unexcelled understanding" or "edgeless peace" or "unending happiness" isn't supposed to be some wubba-wubba bowl full of Jell-O that moves at the slightest touch. It is firm and fixed and full of relief after a lifetime of what fidgets and wobbles and morphs ... a lifetime that has provided little or no peace.

Anyone who consents to pick up the gauntlet of honest spiritual endeavor is bound to be confused at first and pissed off later: It wasn't supposed to be like this! It was supposed to be clear and snuggly and devoid of piercing uncertainties.

Follow the rules and regs, pray your ass off, go to numberless retreats, give to benevolent causes, speak sweetly to enemies, sing soaring hymns ... none of it works in a way that will put a period on the sentence. And by period, I mean

.........................PERIOD!!!

How to escape this briar patch of contradiction (fidget/wobble and "stand still, dammit!") is the revolutionary business of honest spiritual endeavor.

But in the end, "it's simply what you say" is simply what you say, isn't it? It may be a long and bloody war, but still

It's simply what you say.

It never stops moving and yet is always still.
Or ... it's never still and yet doesn't move.

Oh shit!

Or anyway, that's just what I say.