as you gave them to me...

Soen Nakagawa

Floating today like some cartoon cloud into my cartoonish mental tableau came the words once uttered by Soen Nakagawa, one-time abbot of Ryutaku-ji monastery in Japan. Soen was a slight man with a Zen rep, a large bundle in small clothes, and, at the time when we stood talking together, I was in a state of ... well ... I guess "awe" is as good a word as any.

It was at some sort of informal tea that followed on the heels of something formal that had been held at the zendo I then attended. Just talking with him one-on-one was pretty woo-hoo, somehow. I was telling him about how several of us had gone to a New York park to gather ginkgo nuts, which we understood he liked, prior to his visit to the city. We took off the lousy-smelling, orange/brown exterior, baked the nuts within and put them in bowls for the tea. I told him this tale as we stood next to a table on which a bowl of ginkgo nuts rested.

As soon as I finished the small tale, Soen's hand dove into the bowl of nuts, grabbed a fistful, and extended them to me:

As you gave them to me, so I give them to you. Do you understand?

He said that.

At the time, I was flummoxed, but then, it was a time when I thought all Zen students had a responsibility to be flummoxed ... all the time. This was the enlightenment game, after all, and no matter for easy-going exchanges or laughter or ... well, you know ... not easy at all. I don't recall what I said in return. Probably bumbled and fumbled until I could get back to serious, flummoxed stuff.

But today, like a puffy cartoon cloud that brings a nice smile with it:

As you gave them to me, so I give them to you.

OK. Does it matter who said it?