longing and fear

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Whether intricately subtle or in-your-face gross, I think there is a lingering fear (also known as longing) that in spiritual endeavor "everything" will be somehow taken away, that there will be nothing left.

This fear accounts for innumerable sincere Buddhists, dedicated Buddhists, enthusiastic Buddhists, serious Buddhists, solemn Buddhists, well-versed Buddhists ... and any number of spiritually-inclined people who never heard of Buddhism: The more closely anyone attends to spiritual practice and the brighter the flame becomes, the clearer it is that this practice will burn your face off and, from the current perspective, nothing will be left.

Poof!

And ... eek!

I'd call all this par for the course -- desperately fearing what anyone might desperately long for.

But, setting aside the fear for just a nanosecond (you can always have it back), did it ever occur to you that "everything" -- every shred and smidgen and microparticle and thought and emotion -- is already taken away in every moment? Never mind religion or philosophy ... just seriously, for one nanosecond: Everything is already taken away -- past before you can say "present" -- in the twinkling of an eye, so worrying about everything being taken away is really just extra.

Everything changes, not because anyone says so and not because some wise ancient strokes his beard with contemplative slowness, but because it is just what happens. Everything is taken away faster than speaking the word "now," quicker than snapping your fingers ... it's all gone, all the time, without any help from anyone, whether genius or nitwit.

All gone ... all the time ... and you are none the worse for wear.

Practice is just a matter of catching on to what you already know. Birth and death, quicker than a nanosecond. Loss and gain are Tinker Toys... albeit Tinker Toys we have to address if we really want to catch up with what we already know.

So if it were possible, just for some tiny, tiny nanosecond, to unload the fear and longing ... wouldn't that be nice?

Wouldn't you sparkle and shine precisely as brightly as the moment itself? Wouldn't that be nice? I think it might.

All gone.

Twinkle, twinkle.
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