Wednesday, June 17, 2009


Now and then I get notes from people who are inclined to be deferential. They use words like "sir" and "sensei." One or two use the word "roshi." Yikes!

It is all like a mirror image of someone calling me "dipshit" or "fuckhead" and I can feel the longing to duck and cover, to hide somewhere or dissuade such language and the implications it might have.

Why are these people lollygagging around when there is work to be done? But of course the question is unkind...and worse, unclear.

I suppose it's a little like a shrink who is forced to cope with a patient's 'transference,' allowing the patient to create and imaginative being as a means of addressing his or her own needs. "I need you to be mom" or "I need you to be dad" and as a result, the shrink IS mom or dad ... even though the shrink is clearly NOT mom or dad.

But it can get lonely.

It's just par for the human course, I imagine: "Mirror, mirror on the wall/Who is the fairest of them all?" Out of the fabrications, perhaps the truth can emerge. How long can anyone stare in the mirror without getting tired, without wanting to go out and play?

Over and over, I catch myself staring in the mirror.

Can I go out and play now?

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