Friday, September 3, 2010

waking up

2 a.m. seems to be the time to wake up lately. Not yet near enough to dawn to consider getting out of bed and yet difficult to find that cliff we all drop off when finding actual sleep.

Maybe it's needing to take a piss, though that hasn't really pushed my buttons. Or maybe it's the fact that I am yet another voodoo doll for doctors and pharmacological money-makers to stick their bottled pins into.

Whatever it is, 2 a.m. seems to be about the time to wake up and think thoughts that pass the time without any particular excitement ... the relative merits of baloney and liverwurst; a B movie I enjoyed; and then a night or two ago was a longish segment it's hard to describe:

Whatever thought I thought, in the moment when the thought was through, another thought would come along posing exactly the opposite of what had preceded it. What was ugly became beautiful; what was tall became short; what was simple became complex and vice versa. The opposites came along naturally on the heels of whatever initial proposition there had been. It was all smooth as water connected to wave.

And the interesting part was not so much this rag-tag army of odds-and-ends thoughts, but the fact that any aspect had precisely the same importance as the one preceding it. I seemed incapable of elevating one thing over another. It wasn't frightening or delightful or freighted with "Buddhism" ... it was just what happened, over and over again. No particular emotion, but not lacking emotion either. It's odd to write, but it wasn't odd at the time ... more quasi-boring, as if someone were saying "d'oh!" and you agreed with them.

All things considered, I'd rather sleep from 2 to 4 or 5, but that simply hasn't been in the cards lately.


  1. I have heard that as we grow older we do not sleep as long or as well as when we were younger. Something to do with the dropping of our serotonin
    level. Oh well, I too have been waking up about 3:30/4:00am for about a month now. I would like to think that is because I am truly "awake" in the Buddhist sense, and really do not need the sleep as much. :) I use the time before the earth spins into position for the Sun to cast its beautiful light on the new day to ponder life, and let thoughts come and you mentioned in your post. In some ways it is a lucky charm to get up before the rest of the world around us has started their day. There is a quietness, and emptiness without the need to get ready for any activity. There are no thoughts invading the mind from hurried people getting ready to go to work, or plan there day's events. Plus it makes for a great nap after lunch! :)

  2. Mornings suck, whatever time of day they come. Like an older car, just don't wanna start anymore.