Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mother's Day without Mom

On an Internet Buddhist bulletin board, the topic of celebrating Mother's Day (tomorrow) after a mother has died came up:

I wrote:

Part of the sadness at losing someone near and dear is, I think, that we are forced into the position of being ... what? ... the grown-up perhaps. What was relied on in so many little and large ways, in love and in anger, is now no longer ... or so it seems.

It is, at first, as if there were no way forward, no way to
be without this integral part of our tapestries. And yet, with the softness of time, a little at a time, perhaps, it becomes clear that we could not be who we are without those who left us without a backward glance. We are, in fact, what is no longer and thus what is no longer lives on as surely as a kiss.

We are our mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends and enemies, whether departed or not. It has nothing to do with poetically dabbing our tears or sewing up a broken heart. It has to do with the way things are and the way things are is ... well ... OK. OK to love, OK to remember, OK to weep, OK to smile, OK to be angry, OK to feel grateful ... Just OK. 

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