Wednesday, May 9, 2012

who will I be today?

Sitting on the porch with my first cup of coffee for the day, there were several wispy thoughts that suggested themselves as potential candidates for my daily writing-spree ... otherwise known as pomposity.

There was the matter of "improvement" and what spiritual endeavor might look like without the heart-felt longings for relief. There was a whisper that announced, "No ego?! I am nothing but ego. Ego through and through. Whether I believe or credit this fact is up for debate." There was a reminder to get some dry goods to put into the orange bag that will be picked up Saturday ... a donation to the local Survival Center. I hadn't quite woken up, so all of this was wispy ... wispy in the way that thoughts are on any given morning ... reconstructing my self after a night of snoring deconstruction and ease.

And then I opened my email and was confronted by a renewed barf festival on the topic of Eido Tai Shimano, his corruptions and his Zen-student offspring. And as if some wet rag had been applied to a chalk-cluttered blackboard, all the wispy stuff was erased. Whoooosh! It was tsunami time and I was as drowned as anyone might be when a tsunami arrives. Any consideration of wispy thoughts that might be nourished or set aside was overwhelmed and ... well, I was off to the races.

Strange how that happens ... there you are, just lollygagging along, doing nothing in particular in your mind, and then something 'important' rears up like some crappola monster in a digital monster flick ... big and strong and attention-getting and threatening in a hundred ways. This, like a tsunami, is IMPORTANT... this love, this longing, this fear, this certainty, this doubt, this joy, this sorrow, this monster ... whooooosh! It takes center stage without so much as a by-your-leave.

This is important.

I am important.

No need to wonder who I might reconstruct myself as this morning. I was already reconstructed.

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