Passed along in email:
From John Cleese ........ British writer & actor.
English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and
have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised
their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They
don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on
the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The
rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white
flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly
and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are
worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll
be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think
we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend !" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final
A final thought . . . " Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray.
Welcome back to 430 BC".
Nec Dextrorsum Nec Sinistrorsum