Sunday, April 22, 2012

Help Wanted: Experienced Anti-Christ

The successful candidate for this position will see endless opportunity in the economic and human malaise of our times. We are not looking for lazy cynics, politicians who rely on spin doctors, pope wannabes, disappointed Confederate flag wavers, think-tank prognosticators or Ayn Rand lookalikes.

Instead we would like to consider anyone who is comfortable and assured. An intern background with a megachurch or the Joseph Goebbels dissemination of information as seen on Fox News may be helpful. 2.5 children is a plus. Internet savvy is secondary. Male candidates may wish to include a trophy wife who dresses according to her own tastes. Female candidates may wish to include a trophy husband who is not an intellectual toady or similar good ol' boy.

A certain wisdom is required -- enough to raise the hopes of those who currently have lost it, but not the kind that seeks or depends on the hopes of others. Applause is part of the position, but the successful candidate needs the experience and skill to live his or her own life. The ability to envision and promulgate a Christ is obviously needed for the position of any prospective Anti-Christ.

Remuneration, of course, will be set by the successful candidate.

Please apply in confidence to:

Search Committee
PO Box 616
Arrowhead, N.D. 58701

Early tongue-in-cheek applicants include:

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