I was just reading another one of Brad Warner's gleeful promotions of a book he had written and being, as usual, mildly irritated. I was not irritated by yet another author doing his best to sell-sell-sell because he had worked-worked-worked and if he had worked so hard, well, it must be worth promoting ... an often-dubious if completely understandable mind-set.
I was irritated because, although I have never read one of Brad's books and have no intention of doing so, still, what I have read on blogs here and there makes me like him quite a lot. In the world of Zen, if such a thing exists, Brad has balls, and I get tired of mealy-mouthed oratorios that encourage a great deal of daring while exhibiting almost none of their own.
Brad is not a comely Buddhist. He may be literate, thoughtful and have a series of other well-thought-of attributes, but he is not comely. He is willing to piss in the punch bowl and take responsibility for it. That he has made a reputation out of this does not bother me. Why? Because he has done it. Full frontal nudity. Brad is not a Zen pussy.
Why then be irritated by his latest promotion?
Because I always enter some piece of his writing thinking that he will, in one form or another, piss in a punch bowl that is badly in need of some spice. He will unveil what everyone is secretly thinking about some hot-button topic ... and won't flinch.
So I was mildly disappointed to see it was just another promotion -- a promotion I forgave him, but still wished it were something other than a promotion.
And also, I was mildly irritated at myself. Why had I not been more splashy-noisy when I wrote my book back in 2007? I suppose part of it was a kind of diffident hubris. That and an unwillingness to push my own envelope ... what the hell, if you're going to be an author and a goof, go ahead and be an author and a goof. My style is not Brad's style, but that doesn't mean I can't wish I had been a bit more like him ... and maybe put a chesty young woman on the cover.
Oh well, too late now.
I'm not sorry but I am also a little sorry.